Change

It's been a really long time since I've written on this blog.  Not that I haven't wanted to, I just really haven't figured out what to say or write about.

I was reading over my last posts, especially the most recent, trying to see how much my life has changed since then.  In some areas it has, but most is still the same.   Most of what I wrote in my last post still applies today, so I keep asking myself the same questions; What can I do to change things? Will I have the strength, confidence and courage to change them?

I was spending time with my parents one evening, and we were having a discussion about my brother's personalities as well as my own.  One thing my mom said to me has stuck with me since: "Out of you and your brothers, you are the most independent."

That statement threw me for a moment.  While I understand how that could seem possible, since I was the first to move away and have always been comfortable being alone, I also felt that it wasn't completely true.  While I may be independent in some aspects, in many ways I feel the most dependent, especially when it comes to my family.  Not just my parents and siblings, but my whole family.  The thought of losing any of them is hard to bear. 

I've never handled change very well, and the last few years have brought much of it.  Friends getting married, losing loved ones, moving to new locations, even changing jobs.  While others around me have flourished and lived life, I have felt stuck in one place.  That's not to say I don't enjoy my jobs.  I love working at both! I just feel like the person standing at the base on one side of a mountain, wanting to take the next step by climbing to join everyone on the other side, yet still needing that push to take the first step. 


Most of this may not make sense, but that's okay.  I've never been the best with words. yet practice makes perfect, right?!